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Friday, August 24, 2012

A Modest Proposal: A Loaded Magazine In Every Home


About an hour after I got to work this morning, I got a text from my lady telling me that there was a shooting on 34th and 5th-- right outside the Empire State Building. I take the bus every day into Manhattan, which gets into Port Authority (40th-42nd street). I usually walk across town from 40th and 8th to 40th and 3rd, so the closest I could have been to that shooting was about 6 blocks away. That's close enough-- had I been passing by at that moment, I probably could have even heard the gun shots. 

Kinda creepy, I guess-- I mean, not as creepy as seeing the World Trade Center burning (I was about 20 blocks away from that), but still...it's rather unsettling. It made me think about what I would have done had I been there when that nut-job started shooting people. Honestly, I would have just run, or hit the ground...I don't know WHAT I would have done. But I know what my wildest dreams and imagination would have wanted me to do...and that's unholster my OWN fire arm, and shoot that fucker in the face!

Now, I know what some of you panty-wastes out there might think-- "Oh, more guns on the street would just be more problems! We need more regulation! We need more gun control!" Well, you pussies need to suck it. The problem with these shooters is that they have the advantage! They know that they could get away with these shootings by and large because NO ONE ELSE WILL HAVE ANY GUNS! I mean seriously-- how can you expect to have a high body count if you have to worry about everyone else packin'? I know I would think twice about taking multiple lives of innocent people if I thought for a moment that they would be armed as well!

You liberty and freedom-hating losers just don't get it! In the last two months, there have been at least four mass shootings, including this one this morning in New York City. The reason why this guy got away with shooting 8 and killing 2 is that those people were not armed!!! If AT LEAST 1 in 3 of us has a shooting weapon of some sort-- be it a pistol, rifle, crossbow-- whatever...I'd be willing to BET YOU that that dirt bag wouldn't have made it past 2-3 people AT LEAST. Now sure, there'd probably be some crossfire fatalities or injuries-- what with a bunch of random people firing weapons, and not being quite sure who the bad guy is...but hey...! This way, there wouldn't really be any more than 2 mass killings a year!

I think most people would not be so willing to pull out a gun if there more guns out there. So why are you even reading this-- get to an online gun dealer and stock up! Oh, and you may wanna get a lawyer on retainer as well, because crossfire victims and/or their families tend to get a bit sue-y.

(**NOTE**: For the uninitiated, this is SATIRE. I am sickened that we continue to have these goddamn shootings, and whenever anyone tries to debate this issue, it's met with stupid, hyper-political pseudo-patriotic rhetoric and out-and-out bullshit. We need to put aside our religious political baggage and BE ADULT about this issue. If you are a responsible gun owner, THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU.)



...to be continued...


...because there WILL be another mass shooting very soon. There always is.



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