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Friday, April 29, 2011

Pixar Remakes My Neighbor Totoro



I just saw this and damn-near shit my pants. Turns out, it's just an April Fools joke!

I was kinda scared for a minute there. At the same time, however, I was a bit intrigued and a little torn. I love Ghibli Studios and Pixar's work. Dunno if they could work together, though-- Ghibli is a bit more mature and cinematic in certain ways that Pixar is not. Not to say that Pixar is incapable of pulling off something mature (Wall-E and Up are prime examples)...but I dunno.

Cute/scary image, though.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Obama Releases Birth Certificate...Again...


Well, there is. Again. It's proof that Obama was born in the United States. After the last few years of conspiracy theories, in addition to the recent rise in this bullshit thanks to the likes of shit head Donald Trump, The White House felt that it was time to re-release evidence that Barack Obama was in fact born in the Hawaii, which is located in the United States of America.

I can't say that I'm surprised that The White House has chosen to acknowledge this birther garbage. People like Donald Trump and Franklin Graham need to be mocked and belittled-- not convinced! They are inventing and propagating flat out lies. Whether or not they are truly misinformed or purposefully lying remains to be seen. No matter the motivation, this entire argument-- and the people behind it-- are a waste of time and energy.

"We do not have time for this kind of silliness. We have better stuff to do. I have got better stuff to do. We have got big problems to solve."-- President Obama

That's what he said at a press conference today regarding the White House release of the new-old birth certificate. There are actually some people out there that are asking "What took you so long?" Fuck you-- are you kidding me?! How is it that you could be so lame-brained that you were not convinced that this guy was a citizen from the get-go?! What is it REALLY about this particular birth certificate that is ANY DIFFERENT from the first one they released?! The only thing that this "new"release proves is that ANY ONE that has entertained this birther nonsense is an idiot. I'm not convinced, however, that this issue is done with. That very question of "what too so long" is going to open up a slate of NEW conspiracy theories. People will now suggest that it took this long to forge a certificate before they released it to the public, and "we need to test it!" or "we want to see it in person!".

I will never understand why we give the uneducated and the obnoxiously ignorant this type of attention. The fact that we have clogged up our national discourse-- in the midst of all of the problems that we face today-- over what some racists and conspiracy theorists believe is so sad to me. I mean really-- if George W. Bush was put under this type of scrutiny, he'd had been impeached before his first term ended.

In the end, I don't think any of this is all that lofty. There is only one reason why the White House released this information:

"Today I'm very proud of myself, because I've accomplished something that no one else has been able to accomplish. I want to look at it, but I hope it's true. ... But he should have done it a long time ago." --Donald Trump
Seriously, what a classless douche.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Wii 2: Project Cafe



So, it's starting sooner than I had expected! It's been reported by a variety of sources that Nintendo is set to announce their newest gaming console in June at this year's E3, with a release date of sometime in 2012...or possibly as early as October of this year(!). I didn't think we'd see another next gen console at least until about 2014, so this was surprising to me. What's even more surprising is the approach that Nintendo seems to be taking.



What I've been reading so far is that this new system may be called "Nintendo Stream"-- does that mean they'll drop the "Wii" name altogether? It is said to be a rather large system, around the size of the original XBox console. The most notable thing is the change in controller. It looks like a PS3 controller mashed up with a Nintendo DS. In fact, they say that this new controller, with it's 6.5" screen, will be a touchscreen controller of some sort-- possibly emulating an over-sized DS experience(?). This kind of looks like the old Dreamcast controller:








So, are these guys totally abandoning motion control? Or is this just a new way to play games, in addition to the traditional Wii-mote? I can't imagine that they would just move away completely from a brand that they've built into this gaming empire! Especially since Sony and Microsoft released their motion controllers within the last year or so.

I hope they're not moving away from motion. I still haven't even had my hands on XBox Kinect yet! I don't that this will replace what's going on today. I think if anything, these controller will be a way to really tap into the mobile gaming market, and merging that with home consoles. Sure, they have the 3DS...but maybe they want to do what they tried to do initially by integrating the DS with the Wii. I mean, the only thing I've done with the two is download demos from the Wii to the DS. So I dunno-- I'm very curious to see where this goes.

UPDATE:

Nintendo just announced at E3 that the new Wii 2 will be called "Wii U". Click here for more...

Friday, April 22, 2011

Bullies Get Owned



One of the reasons why I hated high school was the bullying. I wasn't constantly bullied, but there were a several people that would constantly fuck with me. I never wanted to fight back because I didn't like hitting people. I didn't really fight back until my senior year, and I damn-near cracked that kid's skull; I didn't want to do it, but if I didn't do anything that kid would have beat the shit out of me-- and as much as I hate hitting people, I REALLY HATE getting hit.

There's been a lot of news in the last year or so about bullies tormenting our schools. Whether it's physical bullying or cyber bullying, there are dozens of stories of young kids being traumatized, even some going as far as committing suicide. I think that's the worse thing to hear about these unfortunate situations. Unfortunately, you can't police people for being pricks, and you can only do so much to stop bullying from happening. What you CAN do, however, is teach these kids how to fight back:



Kids that are in a position of getting picked on need to know that they can fight back-- that they don't have to take shit from people that pick on them. If they hit you, you beat the shit out of them! I firmly believe that-- I even tell my 5 year-old daughter, who has been hit and grabbed by nasty little boys, to punch them right in the nose when they hurt you-- and do it as HARD AS YOU CAN! You best believe they won't do it again.

Here are a collection of videos of kids that reached their braking point. These are kids that decided that they're no longer going to take any assortment of bullshit from these assholes. And the best part is...their victories are caught on camera, and broadcast all over the internet for everyone to see the humiliation:





















Monday, April 18, 2011

Marilyn Davenport & Obama's Monkey Family


Oh come now, ladies and gentlemen. Are we really surprised by this? Some racist white tea bagger broad sent this image above out to her friends-- with the quote "Now you know why no birth certificate"...and now she's in trouble.

This idiot's name is Marylin Davenport. She's a teabagger activist from Southern California, and member of the central committee of the Orange County Republican party. This is the same twat that defended Los Alamitos mayor Dean Grose for sending out a racist email he sent out depicting a watermelon patch in front of the White House-- with the quote "No Easter egg hunt this year."


Not-for-nothin', but I've never really found white racist humor very funny. And that's not because I'm black-- I don't even find this bullshit offensive. It just seems to me that this is just like a kid laughing at fart jokes. I've been around white people telling Asian jokes, Jew jokes, Mexican jokes-- and none of the jokes are very funny. I think the thing that makes racial humor funny is the fact that you are making fun of racists. You're laughing at them, not with them. It's kind of odd because you have this subculture of morons that finds this kind of shit funny...meanwhile, everyone else is just looking at these retards wondering how they have the brain power to tie their shoe laces.

It's just so hard to get offended by this trash. I think black folks, for the most part, won't get offended by this. Why? Because we're used to it. It's like that one tooth that aches every few months, or that zit that just keeps popping up right on the tip of your nose, or the gnat that hovers over your plate. I guess there are certain white people that need to remind others of their ilk that there was once a time when these upitty niggers knew their place-- and wouldn't it be nice to be there once again? This is all they've got now-- stupid racist emails.

The really stupid thing is how these people try to disavow any responsibility for getting caught passing these things around. It's "Oh, I didn't know it was racist" or "It's just a joke-- I have black friends!" or "If I offended anyone, I am sorry". That always kills me-- "If I offended anyone", if a black politician sent out an email depicting white stereotypes, they'd wanna hang that coon from a tree!

It's just like if Congressman James Clyborn sent these emails out to his friends:


The caption: "Which one's the dog?" Or "3 Blonde bitches" Or "Miss White America Pageant!"


How about this one:

Caption:  "Old Michele Bachmann photo"

And last, but not least:


"White Trash Pasties!" 
(I Photoshoped that one myself-- teehee!)

These assholes are going to continue to exist. Let's just face it-- there are always going to be racist white folks, and they will have access to computers and Photoshop or other things that normal people have. And they are going to make stupid jpgs to send to their friends. So be it. These are the things that society's cowards do. Emails like this never really hurt anyone. If, however, you are an elected official, and you are sending out this like this...you should lose your job. Period. While most intelligent people would like to think that personal and professional politics should not mix...racism is more than just a personal politic-- it's your life. Especially when you would send these kinds of emails to other so-called professionals. Poor judgement should disqualify you from most jobs.

So let's not get upset about all of this. Don't get mad-- get Photoshop! And be creative-- one thing that white racists are not is very creative!


UPDATE: Okay, one more picture:


It's the RNC Convention featuring leading Republican Candidates!
(That's Bachmann, Pawlenty, Romney, Palin-- I Photoshopped this one too!)

Pass it on...!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

R..A..E..D..: "Still Flowin'" the Movie!


Why the fuck did they bomb Beruit, eh?
Tell me, why the fuck did they bomb those Jews, eh?
Why the fuck do I spray like this, I play like this, huh?
And why the fuck does Jay-Z choose to ignore me, bro?

Wow, man. First "8-Mile", now this!

Melborne rapper R..A..E..(to the mutha fuckin')..D has a movie coming out this year! "commming soooon", as the trailer announces, set to stream from their website on Halloween, it's "R..A..E..D..: Still Flowin'", the movie!



He's been at the game for 10 years, bird. He's 32 years, man-- where's his fuckin' prime at, bird? And why is Jay-Z not up on this guy? Hey man-- why are you ignorin' RAED?

Can you believe this? This is on par with that horrible movie "The Room". See, the problem I have with "The Room" is that it's not good...on ANY level. I know it's got this cult following, but I just don't get it-- it's not even good on a good/bad level! It's painful to watch, in fact. The same goes for this "Still Flowin'" thing. This guy's music videos are awkward and sphincter-tightening themselves...but to sit through an entire movie made like this?

I really can't tell if these guys are just pulling our chains here. I mean, there is just NO WAY that he could be serious about being this rapper. If it's a joke, then it's getting a bit stale. But if this guy is bad in the way that Ed Wood is bad...this movie will be a thing of cult epic beauty.

So mark your calendars...10/31/11...Still Flowin', with R..A..E..D..


Word...?

UPDATE: They took down the original trailer. Here's the new one:


Monday, April 11, 2011

"The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger (original narration by Randall)"


Listen to this fierce bitch "Randall" tell you about the Honey Badger-- it's pretty bad-ass:





"Randall" offers more narrations of animals that gross him out here.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Government Shut Down in Four Words: I BLAME THE REPUBLICANS


You don't have to go far to come to that conclusion. John "boner", Eric Can't -or(won't), and his gang of GOPricks are in full political-douchebaggery mode in their efforts to win elections and screw the American people.

The second government shut-down deadline this year is looming-- coming this Friday, April 8th. It seems as if the Dems and the GOP are still not able (or willing) to compromise on a way to properly balance the budget. Now that the country broke, the Republicans want to act as if they are interested in getting us out of the situation they created. NOW they are interested in spending cuts...as long as it doesn't effect their corporate masters. 

I see the biggest problem being on the Republican side of things, as they are trying to appease these idiot teabaggers. Those people want these insane cuts that will hurt a lot of people. They want to do things like defunding Planned Parenthood and NPR-- cuts that would only amount to barely 1/10 of what would be required to make any real impact. Republicans in general want to cut things like education and health care-- you know, things that would benefit 90% of Americans.

So now,  I predict that John "boner" will let these teabaggers make a fool out of him. I think that, strategically, they don't have much going for them in 2012-- the Republicans NEED votes, and they need them BADLY. The teabaggers, according to the latest polling, are becoming less and less popular with Americans. They are becoming a liability. So Mr. Orange-Tan needs to make a decision on what he's going to do about this teabagger problem; he's either going to listen to them, or ignore them. I think he's desperate enough to listen to them. The only shining light in all of this is that during the low turn-out during that teabagger march on Washington back on the 31st of March. Had there been thousands upon thousands of people there...he would definitely be swayed to listen. But again, since the 2010 elections, there are teabaggers in the Congress...and they can literally make or break any decisions "boner" makes. And again..."boner" LOVES votes...!

The 'baggers want $67 billion cut from the budget. The current budget proposal is at $33 billion. So, unless the Democrats are will to make drastic cuts in education, unemployment, and environmental aide...they're gonna shut it all down. And if they shut it down, the nation's economy will get it's ass kicked AGAIN. See, this is why these 'baggers are so stupid-- they are willing to put this nation back to square one with a second recession because they are absolutely unwilling to compromise on cuts that would actually fuel the economy! But that would mean that the teabaggers would have to think about the future of this country as opposed to ignoring anything that stretches beyond the noses on their faces.

...and personally, I wouldn't expected the teabaggers to use wisdom or perspective. So that means...GOVERNMENT SHUT DOWN!!!!!

Eli Porter: Da Best Mayne

Surely you all know who Eli Porter is. You don't?

Well, before the "Bedroom Intruder", Mr. Porter was one of the hottest MEMEs on the web. This was a kid who participated in a rap battle for a high school public access channel, in a show called "Iron Mic". On the show, Eli was to battle Envy in a freestyle rap competition. It was your typical battle-- Marv-o, the host, introduced Envy and he did his thing. Up next, Eli Porter. And that's when something very inappropriate happened.

I had an office mate at the time who told me about this video, and I had no idea what he was talking about. Maybe a month or two  after he brought it up, he played it for someone that was visiting our office. We sat with our back to each other, so I really wasn't sure what he was watching. All I know is that when I heard Eli start rapping...I started laughing. I laughed HARD. I then turned around to look at what was going on. That's when I first saw him...and then I was convinced that I was going to hell ( or something like it-- I'm not religious, but that's another conversation).



It would appear that Mr. Porter may be developmentally challenged. I had no idea until I watched the video again. Then it became clear-- he is. If he is not, then I would be absolutely shocked; his speech and body language definitely confirms some sort of disorder. Then I felt kind of bad about laughing. But when you listen to what he's saying-- the gay bashing, the bitch-talking, etc...I know I didn't feel all that bad about laughing.

Eli's episode of Iron Mic became an all-out internet sensation. His performance has had MILLIONS of viewers, and dozens of remixes. The best of which, in my opinion, are from a YouTube user named Heli0s2003:





That's some pure gold right there.

If you're wondering why I'm writing about all of this, it's because I was notified on my Facebook page that today is his birthday. Apparently, I friended him, or someone that made a page for him. I'm not really sure-- but it's a blast-from-the-past for me to look back on this phenomena. I haven't really thought about Mr. Porter since 2008, and now...I wonder what he's been up to......

Well, that's what the internets are for:

Here is an interview he did with Mistah FAB (who?) from Quality+Control Marketing:



Seems as if there needs to be some quality control with their audio equipment.

I also found this-- a trailer released in 2010 for a film that is being made about Eli called "People's Champion":




So, it seems as if Mr. Porter has been working his way back into our field of view. Or rather, interested people have been hunting him down to get the real story about the kid in from the Iron Mic rap battle on You Tube.

He's da best, Mayne...he deeeeeeed it.

Monday, April 4, 2011

"The Governator" Animated Series: Or, WHY?!


I don't even know what to say, other than "What the hell is THIS crap?!"

So, Arnold Schwarzenegger's term as governor of California is coming to an end, and soon this young man will be looking for work. And what does his pick for his first project (I mean, other than his cameo in The Expendables)? He decides to lend his voice and likeness to an animated series for kids. In theory, not a bad thing. In execution, however:



WOW, this looks HORRIBLE. Poorly animated, crappy dialogue, and they are using that dumb Black Eye Peas song. This thing is so uninspired, weak, dull...just plain shitty! I was expecting some good humor at the VERY LEAST, but there is NOTHING HERE! You mean to tell me that he couldn't find a better studio to pull this thing off? And he decides on a pseudo-Captain Planet clone, with hints of Iron Man and Tron?!

I dunno-- why bother? Seriously, I can't see kids being entertained by this crap. Have you seen children's television lately? It's not this lame. Since it's premiering in 2012, I really suggest that they scrap this junk, and hire another studio to produce this thing. What's even worse is that this they also announced a 3D film based on this garbage. There's also a comic book. Yay (not).

So disappointing.

Following Me on Twitter + BIG Announcement


First thing's first: Twitter.

When it was first released five years ago on March 21st (my birthday, actually), I thought it was dumb. I believe I called it "blogging for lazy people". To me, it was a fad that would die quickly. Then, politicians and celebrities started using it. And now, well...I was so freakin' wrong, it's embarrassing to admit it. I was as wrong about Twitter as I was about Blu-Ray vs. HD-DVD (my brother went out an bought an HD-DVD player because of me...sorry, bro).

So now, here I am-- five years later, and ready to embrace what many others have already. I have had a Twitter account for a couple of years now, and I hardly ever use it. That will now change. From this moment forward, I will commit myself to (wow, I'm actually gonna say it now) "tweeting" at least once-a-day-- and I won't just be tweeting about the blog or films I'm working on or other things. I will try to use it as a writing exercise, to see how much I can actually articulate in 140 characters. May be entertaining, may be dumb. And I can say that the more people who are following me, the more I will be motivated to fill your lives with pearls of wisdom and stupidity. That's my pledge to you.

So, follow me on @ccconyersjr on the Twitter, and let me (try) to entertain you. 

And now, the BIG announcement...

...which I will be revealing in a couple of weeks. It's something that I have been working on for the last two-and-a-half weeks. It's an experiment, more than anything, but one that I will be sharing with the people. If you enjoy what I've been doing on this blog, then I think you may enjoy what I will be sharing with you all. I've been writing on this blog for nearly three years now, so I think it's time.

Please stay tuned for the grand reveal, either here on the blog, or (you guessed it) through Twitter.


Thank you, and that is all for now.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Charlie Sheen, LIVE!


Live on stage, ladies and gentlemen-- after all these weeks of anticipation! Charlie Sheen's Violent Torpedo of Truth Defeat is not an Option Tour opened last night in Detroit. Ever since word first came out about Sheen taking his train wreck talk show performances on the road, I was extremely curious as to how that was going to be translated into the sold-out stage show. It was said that the show would just be him, alone, on stage talking. Would he hire writers? Or would he go out and repeat the dumb shit that he's been saying in the 2-5 minute interviews, and try to extend that to a full 90 minutes?

Well, the speculation is over. And the verdict? Hey Charlie, rhymes with "Jew Chuck":







Well, the only thing "violent" in that theater was the reaction to Sheen. People walked out 10 minutes into the show (ouch). Also, he apparently claimed that there were going to be other people there, like Snoop Dogg; that did no happen, according to disappointed audience members. But seriously, what the hell were these people expecting? Did any of you rubes that bought tickets for this thing really expecting to be entertained? This guy is a clown! He's like many other personalities out there-- without a script, he is NOTHING. The guy goes on talk shows, rambles incoherently for a few minutes, gets play on YouTube, and you think that's worthy of buying tickets to this troll's stage show?

I don't blame Sheen, really. He has plenty of people enabling him, making him think that this bullshit was a great idea. Then there are the fools that went out and bought these tickets. I mean seriously-- he sold out Radio City Music Hall for TWO NIGHTS. Other than the Detroit, he has 20 more shows to go! At this point, these shows will be like going to a NASCAR race-- just a bunch of people waiting for a wreck.

Boy, I'm sure Charlie really misses his Chuck Lorre now. Where, oh where is "Hymie Levine" now, Carlos Irwin Esteves? Seems as if your show could really use someone with Mr. Lorre's talent. But someone with an ego as big as Sheen's, he probably thinks the reaction in Detroit was a one-time thing. In his mind, things will surely be better at the other shows...right?

I'll bet you not.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Snookie Vs. Toni Morrison: The Idiots Are Winning


Well, ladies and gentlemen...it appears that the anti-intellectual movement in America is continuing to gain momentum. It's not funny, people-- this is entirely fucked up, and scary. Every day that goes by, our collective brain-cell count is dropping, and I become more convinced of the fact that Mike Judge's movie Idiocracy is the harbinger of things to come; it's so prophetic, it's frightening.

Case-in-point, Rutgers University recently hired reality show personality Snooki of MTV's televised shit-show Jersey Shore, and paid her $32,000 to talk about her life experience in a presentation they called "Inside the Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi Studio". Students apparently lined up for hours to get one of 1,000 wristbands offered to see this platypus talk about who-the-fuck-knows what.

Under normal circumstances, I'd say hey...if that's what they want to spend their money on, so be it. If they think that listening to her open and close her gum-snapping trap is worth $32,000, that's their problem. What value that would serve students is beyond me. Unfortunately, this story does not end here, because they also hired a keynote speaker and only paid them $30,000. That speaker is Nobel and Pulitzer Prize-winning author Toni Morrison. Yeah, that's right-- they paid Snooki more than they paid Morrison. What. The. Fuck?

So, this is how it's all going to end, people. Anyone that values intelligence and wisdom is going to get buried by tanning, drinking, empty-headed idiots. How many students do you think were lined up to get their wristband to listen to Toni Morrison speak? How many of those students do you think even KNOW who Toni Morrison is? I'm guessing that there will be a few empty seats in the theater that day. Nothing against Mrs. Morrison, but wisdom like hers is clearly being wasted on a generation that idolizes the lowest common denominator.

How did this happen? How did we become a nation that worships idiocy? How can politicians like Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann have such a following for knowing NOTHING? How did this country come to devalue education? I think that the dumbing down of America has become a necessity for the powers that be. An educated populous makes it much more difficult to get away with anything. The lack of a proper education and the propagation of misinformation and flat-out bullshit keeps the profits high and the motivation to change your life low. This mentality goes back to the slave era in America. At one point, slaves were allowed to read. But then the slaves got hip to the bullshit, and started to organize and fight back. When the whites beat them back, they made a new law: keep the slaves illiterate-- and the ones that can read...kill them!

Granted, I'm not comparing the over-paying of Snooki to the African slave trade-- but when you have our universities making decisions like this, to treat so-called celebrities as well as, or better than, our intellectuals...THAT is a problem. It's a horrifying problem. So, what has to happen now? Does Mrs. Morrison have to change her name to T.Mo, get drunk in public, and flash her tits and her cooch around to get photographed and plastered all over the media? Is that what our intellectuals have to do to get ANY respect?

When we start treating talentless celebrities better than our talented artists, we've got problems. When we start paying more attention to loud and stupid politicians and pundits, and ignore those public officials that bring smart solutions, and the thoughtful commentators that trumpet them...we are fucked.

That's when it's time to ask for the check.