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Friday, June 11, 2010

A Modest Proposal: Cure Immigration and Oil Spill All At Once!

Say you hate the Gulf of Mexico oil spill as much as you hate Mexicans coming to our country to take our jobs? Well, if you do...I have a solution that I think you'll love!

It's been said that there are approximately 12 million illegal Mexican workers in America today. Many of them are doing the most menial of labor tasks, such as mowing lawns, picking fruit, and cleaning toilets and swimming pools. Now hear me out...what if we get these 12 million people down to the Gulf Region, hand them all swimming pool skimmers, and have them get to work!

Can you imagine the logistical impossibility of BP getting 12 million people to help clean up that spill? It would never happen-- think of the outrageous cost alone! But if we were to use illegal labor...we could underpay. Think about it-- many of them already have cleaning supplies...we'd be saving hundreds of millions of dollars! And with our socialist health care system, we can even take care of them when they're sick-- and they WILL get sick...! Hell, how about this...we DON'T pay them, but offer them citizenship in return for their work!  Clean slate-- that's it! Absolute amnesty!

Now, there are a lot of you that are saying "Amnesty?! F*ck that-- no way!!!" But think about it-- we just got 12 million people to clean up the worst man-made disaster in our nation's history...and let's not forget to mention the humanitarian angle. People all over the world will say, "Yeah, those American's are so great-- sure, they wanted to kick those people out of the country for taking jobs that they didn't want...but now, they're not only welcoming the Mexicans, they're putting them right to work!" And let's face it-- Americans are a forgiving people. I know that even you, the anti-immigration Mexican-haters, would be grateful for the work involved in cleaning up the Gulf of Mexico. I mean, it's already named after them, so it kind of makes sense, doesn't it?

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