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Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Gen. Stanley McChrystal: A MAJOR *sshole?

There are a couple of levels with which I view General McChrystal, as based on his interview with Rolling Stone Magazine. He is serious, respected, feared, "brilliant"...and a bit of a prick.  Not that being a prick is a bad thing-- sometimes we all need to be hardcore to deal with certain people or situations. But if you're going to talk shit about your boss, you don't do it publicly for all to hear...and you DON'T do it in a nationally published magazine.

While half of the article paints McCrystal as a brash, career-minded military man who did better in life than in school...the other half shines a spotlight on his mouthy, obnoxious, bitchy side. This man talks a lot of shit, and so do the people around him. Again, not a bad thing. Personally, I understand the general disdain for authority, and "office politics", and the intellectual and emotional disconnect from the people you're supposed to be taking orders from...but unfortunately, General McCrystal position is far too important for him to be running his mouth as recklessly as he has. You can't openly bust the Vice President's balls in front of reporters-- this is not the night manager at Wendy's you're mocking. Maybe he's just tired, I dunno-- but one would have to question the judgment of the man who thought this was okay to do. It's even worse if he didn't really "think about it". What else is he not really thinking about?

I thought another interesting thing about the article was an insight into General McChrystal's Neo-conservative Afghan policy-- his COIN, or counterinsurgency plan for complete military and governmental takeover of Afghanistan, which could take nearly a decade (more), and its eventual nation-building by the US. How naive and silly was I to think that Neo-conservatism left with Bush/Cheney/Wolfowitz/Rumsfeld.  Mr. Obama seems to be carrying on this fine tradition.

And speaking of Mr. Obama, it turns out that he didn't really know too much about the good General before hiring him to take on this mission. That's kinda frightening. I mean, as smart as Obama seems like a bit more vetting was in order. He's apparently had a run-in or two with McChrystal already. I guess whatever he felt he had nipped in the bud wasn't quite so nipped.

So now, President Barry has called General Stanley get his ass to D.C. tomorrow so they can have a little talk. It seems as if everyone is saying that the General should be hitting the bricks...or is it "shitting" bricks? Whatever it is, he may surely lose his job over this lapse of judgment. And maybe he should. It's always a shame when talented people do (and/or say) stupid things. Even if Obama and Biden are out of their league and don't know enough (or anything at all) about the situation...instead of being a bitch, talking shit, and being an asshole...why not just educate them? Was that below him? A waste of his time?

Oh well. I guess now he'll have plenty of time to rewatch Talladega Nights. America, FUCK YEAH!

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Thursday, June 17, 2010

BP's Tony Hayworth Faces Congress with Joe Barton's Nose Up His Ass

This has been quite the week for the disastrous hell-on-Earth that is the Gulf of Mexico oil leak catastrophe.

First, we've had the widely panned Oval Office speech delivered by President Obama. Unfortunately-- and keep in mind that I like the man-- I was incredibly disappointed by the substance of the speech. It didn't really sound like him, there was very little substance, it was way too short, and not very inspiring. It wasn't the worse speech I've ever heard, but from him...I guess I expected more.

The next day, it was announced that British Petroleum would set aside $20 billion dollars as a first step to "making things right." Most people were impressed with that number, although some GOP members have called it a "shakedown"-- a "shakedown"! Assholes. Leave it to Republicans to kiss the asses of businessmen while they shit on the "small people."

Now, today-- Thursday June 17th 2010, over 60 days after the accident-- British Petrolium CEO Tony Hayworth testifies in front of Congress and...says NOTHING. I mean, people bitch at Obama for being aloof-- THIS guy is the champion of being completely and totally detached, disengaged, and unresponsive. For hours, this man has done nothing but regurgitate the same talking points over, and over, and OVER again...with a smirk on his face. Now granted, it could just be that his stupid mouth is shaped in a way that makes it appear as if he is smirking when his is not...but it's disgusting. He is disgusting. He should be tied to a post and every American (Gulf Coast residence first) should for a queue to either punch him in the gut or kick him in the balls.

Given the fact that this man was briefed ahead of time as to what he would be asked (as stated by Rep. Waxman), Hayworth shows up with NO answers. He claimed that he was either uninformed, or wasn't there, or wasn't part of the decision-making process. Does that mean that I, or that almost any person reading this article right now, could be an oil executive as well?  One of his favorite answers is "we are conducting an on-going investigation", which, of course, he was unable to determine when it would be finished. How can a man that makes $6 million dollars a year (as he claims) know so little?

For the most part, this was a bi-partisan affair. Both Democrats and Republicans were equally outraged, not only by the disaster, but by Hayworth's answers. But then we have professional ass-kisser Joe Barton. Barton actually had the balls to apologize to Hayworth and BP for the hearing and their $20 billion dollar escrow:

"I'm ashamed of what happened in the White House yesterday," said Barton. "I think it is a tragedy in the first proportion that a private corporation can be subjected to what I would characterize as a shakedown -- in this case a $20 billion shakedown -- with the attorney general of the United States, who is legitimately conducting a criminal investigation and has every right to do so to protect the American people, participating in what amounts to a $20 billion slush fund that's unprecedented in our nation's history, which has no legal standing, which I think sets a terrible precedent for our nation's future."

He later retracted this apology after being threatened by GOP leadership with the loss of his Energy and Commerce Committee seniority. Again, it's nice to see the GOP leadership acting like that have some sense for a change.

While all of this is going on, workers are getting sick, people's livelihoods are jeopardized, the environment is in danger, and tons of animals are dead, dying, or will be dead soon. And the oil just keeps on flowing. And we are still no closer to stopping it, or cleaning up the Gulf.

Hayworth made a point to say, multiple times, that he wasn't there, didn't know what was going on, didn't know that key decisions were made, and still expects everyone to wait for this on-going investigation. After watching this man for the last several hours, I feel very comfortable with saying that he is nothing but an unresponsive, irresponsible, ignorant bastard.

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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Nintendo 3DS

The E3 announcements this week have been pretty exciting so far. Not only has Microsoft formally introduced it's Kinect controller-less controller (formerly known as "Project Natal"), Nintendo has introduced it's much anticipated Nintendo 3DS. Basically, it's their hand held DS model with a 3D screen...3D without the use of glasses(!).

The 3DS has other features as well, including two front-mounted camera lenses that enable users to take their own 3D photos (holy crap!), in addition to the ability to play 3D movies. There's also an accelerometer and gyroscope in this build (a clear shot at the iPod Touch).

Take a look at the video below from Engadget impressions:

Bat Sh*t Crazy, Thy Name Is Rick Barber!

Bat Sh*t Crazy, Thy Name Is Rick Barber!

So, a slave-owner, a beer-brewer, a womanizer, and an Alabama teabagger are sitting in a bar...and someone was there to catch it on film!

Rick Barber, one of the 'bagger lunatics running for Congress, has an interesting commercial running on the TV in Alabama. Like the opening of Resevoir Dogs, we join a group of guys sitting at a table. It begins with Barber, in mid-rant about impeaching Obama (for what, I have no idea), talking to three other guys dressed in costumes. There's a guy dressed as Ben Franklin, a guy dressed as George Washington, and a guy dressed as Sam Adams. On the table is an American flag being used as a table cloth (is that how you treat the flag?!), a few mugs of beer, a couple of copies of The Constitution, and a gun. As the commercial progresses, around a series of quick-cutting hand held shots, he starts to go off about how the IRS is imposing it's will upon the people, and the only way to get them off of our backs is to..."gather your armies!"

I thought this was an SNL sketch when I first saw it. Surely Lorne Michaels would not have even considered airing an ad like this, mostly because it's just too far-fetched and stupid to be a funny bit. This would never work as an actual joke-- it took someone being serious for this to be funny.

I don't think I can sum up the lack of intellectual substance any more that the Washington Post's David Weigel has:

I'm not sure Barber's argument here makes sense. His pitch to the founders is a jeremiad against the IRS and "what they call a progressive income tax" (although what else you could call a tax on income that hits high-wage earners harder than low-wage earners is a mystery). He appeals to Washington as the owner of a distillery who "knows how tough it is to run a small business without a tyrannical government on your back." But President Washington presided over, and approved, the first tax levied by the federal government -- the 1791 whiskey tax. When the tax met resistance, he approved the assembling of militias to enforce the law and mobilization of agents to collect the revenue.

See, this is a sensible interpretation of historical events...something that these teabaggers time and time again seem to be incapable of accepting. It's impossible to follow their narrative AND historical fact at the same time. And how about this boner they all have for "the good old days"? Do we really want to deal with people that can't deal with evolution, progress...the future?

I am always getting angry comments from teabaggers who are angry with me for not only using the name "teabaggers" (and calling me a racist for doing so-- idiots...), but for my constant mockery of them and their "policies". And to those people I say: It is because of people like this-- like this bat-shit crazy Rick Barber-- that people like me make fun of you. As long as you have morons like this, and Rand Paul (among MANY MANY others) representing you, this is how you will be drunken nut-jobs, sitting in a bar yelling at dead Founders.

Who the hell wants to deal with that?

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Friday, June 11, 2010

A Modest Proposal: Cure Immigration and Oil Spill All At Once!

Say you hate the Gulf of Mexico oil spill as much as you hate Mexicans coming to our country to take our jobs? Well, if you do...I have a solution that I think you'll love!

It's been said that there are approximately 12 million illegal Mexican workers in America today. Many of them are doing the most menial of labor tasks, such as mowing lawns, picking fruit, and cleaning toilets and swimming pools. Now hear me out...what if we get these 12 million people down to the Gulf Region, hand them all swimming pool skimmers, and have them get to work!

Can you imagine the logistical impossibility of BP getting 12 million people to help clean up that spill? It would never happen-- think of the outrageous cost alone! But if we were to use illegal labor...we could underpay. Think about it-- many of them already have cleaning supplies...we'd be saving hundreds of millions of dollars! And with our socialist health care system, we can even take care of them when they're sick-- and they WILL get sick...! Hell, how about this...we DON'T pay them, but offer them citizenship in return for their work!  Clean slate-- that's it! Absolute amnesty!

Now, there are a lot of you that are saying "Amnesty?! F*ck that-- no way!!!" But think about it-- we just got 12 million people to clean up the worst man-made disaster in our nation's history...and let's not forget to mention the humanitarian angle. People all over the world will say, "Yeah, those American's are so great-- sure, they wanted to kick those people out of the country for taking jobs that they didn't want...but now, they're not only welcoming the Mexicans, they're putting them right to work!" And let's face it-- Americans are a forgiving people. I know that even you, the anti-immigration Mexican-haters, would be grateful for the work involved in cleaning up the Gulf of Mexico. I mean, it's already named after them, so it kind of makes sense, doesn't it?

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Alvin Greene from South Carolina. Who?

Alvin Greene from South Carolina. Who?

Upon hearing about the out-of-nowhere story of Alvin Greene (D, I guess) winning the South Carolina Senate nomination, I got a little excited. I have been saying for a long time that the people need to go up against the establishment-- to get true representation for the interests of every day Americans, as opposed to the career politicians that only look out for corporate interests (teabaggers aside). I was anticipating hearing more about his story, and more about what he had to say. Then Keith Olbermann interviewed him last night. Awkward train-wreck doesn't begin to describe how absolutely sphincter-clenching that interview was. After watching this, I am really starting to wonder...HOW THE HELL DID THIS GUY GET 60% OF THE VOTE?!

Apparently, I'm not the only one with questions. Among the many that are being asked of this guy, how did he-- being unemployed for the last 9 months after being discharged from the military-- finance his "campaign"? It's speculated that someone gave him the $10,000 filing fee. And speaking of campaigning, he held no rallies, has no web presence (no site, no Twitter account, NOTHING...except for stories like this), did not attend Democratic events-- he, in fact, spent very little time (if any) on the campaign trail. What about this obscenity charge involving showing lude pictures to a college student?

The question that people like Rep. James Clyburn are now asking is whether or not this Alvin Greene is a plant of some sort. I mean, judging from the answers that he's given in some of his interviews, I think a plant may be smarter and more articulate that this guy. But seriously-- could this guy have been thrown into the race by some GOP PAC or something like that? DNC reps are asking Greene to step down-- aside from his seeming lack of personality or intellect, he's a sexual felon! At the same time, Rep. Bakari Sellers says that, after meeting Greene, believes that he is sincere if not misguided-- and doesn't believe he is a plant, but thinks that he should step aside due to the obscenity charge.

Well, I don't know what's going on here, but I can say that after seeing his interviews, he has no business running for public office. If perception is everything, Alvin Greene makes Sarah Palin look like Ronald Reagan. That alone makes my head explode.

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Sarah Palin's "New Boobs": Or, The One Job She May Actually Keep

Sarah Palin's "New Boobs": Or, The One Job She May Actually Keep | Photo 02

Sarah Palin has always been able to get herself into the news in one way or another. This time, she's brought along some friends. All over the internets, people are talking about the latest addition to the Palin family. It's been widely speculated that Sarah has had some breast augmentation. Good for her, I say. I personally don't like fake breasts, but whatever-- if this makes her feel better about herself, then so be it. This move has helped place her into the pantheon of politically-relevant women who have also had breast enhancement, such as...uh...hmmm. Okay, I don't know any other ones.

So, I guess she needed some accessories to go along with the new studio that Fox had built for her up in Alaska. This had to happen, after all. I mean, who would have really taken her seriously without this new work done? Not that she wasn't easy on the eyes before-- she's an attractive woman, that's for sure. But now, all those old, crusty GOP'ers will be more transfixed on the wonder that is Sarah Palin-- more so than they were when she was winking at them. Now she'll be able to wink all she wants, and no one will even notice!

In all seriousness, I don't know why she felt she needed to do this-- if she has, in fact, done it. Supposedly, a source close to Palin said that these rumors were "absolutely ridiculous." There hasn't been a comment from the Palin camp-- no Facebook posts or anything. So I am guessing that it's true, considering that Sarah is quick to make an update for any other silly little thing. But I have to say, I'm not exactly sure that this is true. I mean, all it takes is the right top to accentuate the figure. For example, you may not have a particularly calipygian figure, but put on a pair of white pants and WAMMO! Instant "nice booty"!

Again, she's already an attractive woman-- no one has ever really paid any attention to her breasts before; they are now, whether this story is true or not.

Maybe we'll all take her more seriously now.

Ha-- just kidding!

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Thursday, June 10, 2010

Lady Gaga's "Alejandro"

Okay, maybe I'm just too old. Maybe.

I had some extra time, so I decided that I would watch Lady Gaga's new video. And you know what? Couldn't do it. First of all, it's over 8 MINUTES LONG!!! The opening drags like you would not believe. The song is okay...the "dancing" is kind of lame... I mean, I grew up in the 80s, so I've seen Madonna do this shit already. And I saw Xtina Aguilera do it in the 90s. There is not one new or original idea in this thing:

Now, I don't mind Lady Gaga at all. I like her-- she's fun, and she makes cute pop songs. Hell, my four-year-old daughter loves that "Bad Romance" song. It's funny, she loves the song, but when I played the video for her, she said "Argh! It's a monster!!!", and hid behind the couch (true story-- she kept saying "That's not Lady Gaga!").

This "Alejandro" video is just tedious and stupid. And there is NO WAY IN HELL I will be able to watch the whole thing.

I tried. Not for me.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Barack Obama Hates the Gulf Coast

So, are we tired of this oil leak yet? Have we just had enough of watching video of that oil just spewing out of it's man-made hole, bubbling out into the ocean and washing up on our shores? No, we're not...ask us again in four months, we may very well be. But in the meantime, it's been the top story for several weeks now, competing with items involving the end of Helen Thomas' career and that Van Der Sloot douche bag.  And what's as big as the oil story? Barack Obama's leadership...or lack thereof, as some would have you believe.

Apparently, there are some people out there that don't think enough is being done about this oil spill. In a recent Washington Post/ABC News poll, a startling 69% of Americans think the Federal Government is either not doing enough, or has completely completely failed to do anything about the oil disaster.  That's pretty amazing-- 69%?!  Among the criticisms of the poor response has been President Obama's apparent lack of a "suitable" response. In other words, Obama hasn't thrown anything against the wall, or let loose a tirade of four-letter words, or screamed at anyone on camera, or held down BP CEO Tony Hayworth while defecating in his face. He instead, according to some people, just sat around "pontificating" with experts in a scholarly fashion...just sitting around in some conference room somewhere, instead of putting on a wet suit to plug the hole with his bare hands, or a Haz Mat suit to physically help clean up the oil-drenched pelicans-- the same oil that people like Brit Hume claimed was no where near the shore. The same oil that Rush Limbaugh said the ocean would take care of...because it's natural.

The thing is, it's not natural. This is a man-made catastrophe, caused by the penny-pinching of one of the largest oil companies in the world-- aided by the lack of regulation set up by a certain someone's Energy Task Force. So these comparisons to Hurricane Katrina are fairly baseless. Aside from the "perfect storm" of cronyism and lack of regulation, the response times in both instances is far from similar. If you listen to the folks that really know what's going on (i.e, scientists, geologists, etc), they have said time and time again that this disaster is something new-- one expert called this a "live experiment". Everything that has been tried has been tried for the first time-- and NO ONE KNOWS what's going to work. And one would think that BP would have some kind of plan for something like this...but they do not-- someone had said that their deep water drilling was akin to sending a man to the moon without thinking of a way to get them back.  You would think that since this is their field, BP would have taken care of this weeks ago...and I'm sure they thought this would be taken care of as well. But here we are. Still....

The thing that I can fault Obama on is his lack of PR skills. He spends way too much time being annoyed with the media, and not enough time USING THEM properly. He should have communicated more effectively how difficult this is going to be. And it's not like he didn't say this already-- he has....but unfortunately, not in the way that makes for effective news-making. He is fond of saying that everyone is on a 24 hour news-cycle, but he is not. Well, Barry-- it's time ya got on board. You HAVE to. Because now, since you choose to fight the media as opposed to learning how to work WITH it, you have people thinking that you either don't care enough, or you're not doing enough. These days, perception is everything. Doesn't matter what's true or not true...the perception is that you are not doing enough, Mr. President. And that sucks-- I hate seeing jerks like Lynn Cheney on television using her tongue as toilet paper to clean up after her father, and absolutely denouncing what REALLY got us into this mess in the first place.

It's unfortunate that this passive-aggressive beast known as "The Media" can run with a bullsh*t narrative, and thus alter public opinion to buy into incomplete information. Most people are either too lazy or "too busy" to get the full the shortest story will always win. And the shortest story in this case is "President Obama is Not Doing Enough To Stop This Oil Spill." I don't know why everyone thinks that a public temper-tantrum by our president is going to solve anything. So what, he's gonna start yelling and the oil is gonna get scared and slurp back up into the hole? Or Tony Hayworth is gonna to cap the hole with his big, stupid mouth? Or would you rather see Barry H. on the deck of an oil tanker leading a brigade like Washington crossing the Delaware?

I guess if people saw THAT...

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Wednesday, June 2, 2010

The Surra De Bunda

Hey there. Ya like dancing? You do?! Well, have to check out what is being called "the latest dance craze" from our friends in South America.

It's been said that many of our female pop stars, from Madonna to Britney Spears, and all the rest, that they look and dance like strippers. Well, I DARE any American pop star to try to work "Surra De Bunda" into their act. I mean, these girls in these videos are doing some outlanding shit. They just said "F*ck it-- if we're gonna act like strippers, we may as well just go all the way."

The dance involves a couple, much like the waltz...but during Spring Break after 12 shots of Tequila. The man sits on the ground, with his arms back and his legs straight out. The woman then preens and dances around him, which mostly involves her gyrating and grinding her hips. There's also alot of dipping her booty up and down, in the air at first. Then, she straddles the guy and bobs her ass up and down in his crotch, scoops up her booty, bumping it into the man's face. And then, the signature move: she grabs his ankles, props her feet on his shoulders, sticks her booty up in the air...then, in tandem with the song, mashes her ass into the man's face. Mashing, or grinding, or shaking-- I guess the girl can improvise, mix it up a bit...

Google Translate says that "Surra De Bunda" in Portuguese means "ass licking"; I am not making that up.

I found out about this on BuzzFeed and, at first, thought it was a joke.

I don't think I'm offended by this at all. It's a neat dance. So full of energy and style. Don't get me wrong, this is not the kind of thing that I would want to do in public-- that's kind of weird. But I guess there are exhibitionists out there that would. Does that sound prudish?