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Monday, March 8, 2010

Jon Gosselin's Small Problem

I've never seen "Jon & Kate Plus Eight." I never even saw it when all the talk of their divorce monopolized news and media shows for what seemed like months. I really know nothing about these people or their situation, except for what I happened to catch on whatever news show I was watching at the time. And from what I can gather, these two people ended up having eight kids, and they starred in a reality show about how they go about raising them. Then they get a divorce, their show is canceled, and the dirtiness and nastiness began. Kate was accused of being a task-master, and Jon has gained the reputation of being a douche bag. Again, I don't know either of these people, and I have no allegiance to either of them.  Having said that...the latest story in the saga is kinda messed up. It's funny, too...but it's messed up.

Apparently, Playgirl has offered Jon Gosselin $20,000 to appear nude in their magazine. As quoted by Playgirl representative Daniel Nardicio:

"Jon's a novelty. He's not really hot. Levi [Johnston] is really hot. Jon has a reputation of having a small penis and again, he's not that hot. We've offered him $20,000. He told us that's not much money. We told him $20,000 is $20,000. You could go to NYC for a year with that kind of money!"
 Okay, I said, I never really knew a lot about these people, or this guy...but how does anyone know that this guy has a small penis? Well, apparently, he's such a douche bag, that a couple of his ex-girlfriends have been talking. One of his ex's is a woman named Hailey Glassman, who said the following during an interview with Steppin' Out magazine in response to a question about sex with Gosselin:

Chaunce Hayden (Steppin' Out): How would you describe sex with Jon?

Hailey Glassman: He was so small I didn't think he would cheat on me.

Chaunce Hayden: Small?

Hailey Glassman: Yes. He's hung like a nine-year-old boy. I'm serious. This is true. Erect he's about 3 inches. That's how I found out Kate Major was really with him. I asked her, “If you were really with Jon, how big is he?” And she knew! Anybody who sleeps with him will notice it. It's very noticeable. It's so tiny, tiny, tiny. I would laugh about it with my mom. That's why I believed him when he said he wasn't cheating.

That's her on the cover of "Steppin' Out" magazine. Classy, huh?

To add insult to injury, Nardicio, the Playgirl rep, has said that his magazine has extended an even "better offer":

"For every inch more than four, we'll give him an additional $10,000."

Damn. I mean, maybe the guy is a douche bag...but wow. I know very few men that could muscle their way through the embarrassment of not only having a small penis, but the fact that anyone that cares to know (or not) knows you do. So I guess the moral of the story is...if you have a small penis, be REALLY, REALLY nice to people!

And if you're gonna be a dick, be sure you live up to the name....

UPDATE: Apparently, folks over at Buzzfeed are posting a shot of his penis. Look here, if you dare...

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