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Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Death of the thong.

In February's issue of Cosmopolitan magazine, the thong is pronounced dead. As a heterosexual male, I can't say that I disagree with that. Now, before you men out there get all goofy, hear me out.

As I mentioned, I'm straight. Love women. Love their bodies. Love the lady-tush. And when I was in my 20s, I loved thongs on my girlfriends. There was something sexy about seeing that string ride up in an area that I wanted to get all Magellan on. I loved to see the "whale tale" peeking over low-rider jeans. I loved the idea of putting my hands on a girls waist, and twisting my finger around that strap. I thought that stuff was H-O-T. But now, I'm in my late 30s...and whenever I see a woman wearing a thong, I think of jello-shots, and bubble gum perfume, and body glitter, and Spring Break, and all things immature that I outgrew over a decade ago. In other words...not interested.

My love of the tush has not died, though. But there have been other ways to accentuate the area that I have come to love. I like a nice, high-waist cut. I love those "boy shorts". That, to me, is S-E-X-Y. The thought, at this point, of having to deal with or see a thong is not too pleasing to me, or "stinky string" as they are known by some (Eww).

I'm not sure if Cosmo is still relevant, or if most women had not already known about the drop in popularity of the thong, but this is one death I can get behind (no pun...oh, whatever). I cannot get behind Cosmo's alternative uses for the thong, such as a scrunchie, or a penis-lasso (hey, I didn't make that up!). It's been fun,'s time to move on. R.I.P.

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