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Wednesday, January 6, 2010

A Modest Proposal: Screen the Darkies!

 Ever since 12/25/09, the rhetoric regarding airport security screening has grown louder. And how could it not? Since 9/11, we've all been put on red alert regarding anyone that looks "different" than your average American. We see a turban, we hear a lot of phlemy-sounding talk, we think "TERRORIST"!  And now that we have a Muslim as our president, it's been getting more and more difficult to identify who the enemy is!

Lately, many conservative commentators have offered a very basic solution:

Now, before all you "liberal-types" start going insane, hear this. Sure, what's the stop someone of Muslim decent to change their name to, say...oh, I dunno..."Richard Reid", for example. You think you're sitting next to some Connecticut socialite, and lo-and behold, you get THIS:

Not very effective, is it?

So I say, why beat around the bush? If you're gonna profile people, DO IT RIGHT! Sooner or later, that "Al Kayda" fellow is gonna get hip to that jive. So I say don't go after the name, just go after the hue!

From the "shoe bomber" to the "underwear bomber", we have a nice range to work with. From that sandy-kinda piss color, to the dark-feces variety. All you really have to do is start filtering out these folks. Now, how easy is that? You see people that look like this-- turban or not-- and start questioning them. Even if they're wearing Ambercombie or Gap-- 'cause you KNOW they'll try to disguise themselves as college students or something like that; the homeless vagrant thing is just not working out. And they may fool you further than that! Maybe they'll try to speak in perfect English (American style-- like, what else is there?!), or that ebonics stuff-- don't be fooled! Our enemy is smart, and know stuff about us! They watch stuff on the internet, so...that's just giving all of our secrets away!

So think about it. The next time you're in an airport, and you see someone that just doesn't look right...don't think twice. If they're the wrong color, then they're the "other". Act accordingly.

U.S.A!!!  U.S.A!!!

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