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Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Monogamy: Myth?

I just stumbled across an article from, questioning the issue of the realism of a monogamous relationship. This is a very touchy issue-- and I've been exposed to both the straight and gay versions of this debate. And the more I hear the reasons against monogamy, the more I come to appreciate it.

It's not that I don't like "gettin' laid"-- I LOVE it. It's awesome! BUT I've always been a "one-girl" kinda guy. Even when I was dating actively, I would only go out with one girl at a time...and if nothing worked out with them, I would move on. I've never had the desire or the energy (or the money, frankly) to date more than one woman at a time. I mean, talk about spreading yourself too thin. Coming from that mind set, the thought of have active and "full" relationships with multiple partners (a la BIG LOVE)...I personally think it's insane.

I don't know if it's greed, or selfishness, or what. I don't know what to think of it, honestly-- I just don't understand the frame of mind of someone that is able to juggle a few or several romantic relationships at a time. I guess that's why I've never cheated on anyone. Other than the fact that I KNOW I would get caught (scatterbrain that I can be), I just wouldn't want to do that to someone that put all of their energy and trust into me. I've had a few girl friends in my time that have cheated on me, and I ended those relationships immediately. It just seemed weird and confusing to me to know that the person that I've made an emotional investment with didn't think enough of me, or the relationship (or themselves) to AT THE VERY LEAST have the courtesy to make their issues known before they went out and "hooked up" with someone else behind my back. That was never something I had agreed to (and never would). So bye-bye.

I've never been a fan of dating. I've always hated putting myself out there, only to be judged and ultimately rejected by this person. And the more I did it, the more I felt dumb about it. Granted, I think we've all been in positions where we went out on a date or two with someone and you just knew that it was going you cut the connection. But doing that for 2-3 years can be extremely taxing and depressing. I mean, having to try to get to know someone new EVERY SINGLE TIME...! "It's a new discovery!" I've heard some people say...but the quality of those discoveries...dear, God. We've all had "new discoveries", haven't we: ignorant views, BAD hygiene (I could tell you some stories...), immaturity, insanity, abusiveness...these are the things that await those "explorers" out there.

And the sex. The sex. In talking to people (women in particular) I've found that there are A LOT of dissatisfied people out there. This seems like the big reason that people want to open up their "spice things up", to "add variety". How is it that we can have plutonic friends for DECADES...but our love interests, not so much. Everyone that I've ever known that tried to "open up" their relationships for "spice" and "variety" did so for better, or different, sex. An "open relationship", to me, is the beginning of the end. It's when your relationship has "Jumped the Shark". The only thing fucking someone new is going to do is give you a new person you have to deal with. All the same stuff you were dealing with in your "dull" and "lifeless" relationship...just with someone "new". That new polish, that spit-shine you get from the adrenaline of a "new slam-piece" will eventually fade; like a crack junkie-- you will spend the rest of your time with crack chasing that initial NEW HIGH that you got. But the cruel trick is that it will NEVER be as good as that first high. EVER. So now, you got fired from your job, lost your family, sold your television, and gave some stranger a BJ in an alley....JUST so you can feel that same way again. Never mind that there are other things that you can do that are just as effective, without all the life-ruining crap that goes with it...but why do all that "work"! "Screw the work-- I want the benefits!!!"

I dunno-- maybe I'm just close-minded. Maybe there is something to having a significant other...and the other on the side. They do it in other countries, after all, right? And there are thousands, perhaps a million or two people out there that are enjoying their polygamy, or polyamory with no issues at all. However, everyone I've ever know to try this has ended those relationships. Doesn't seem to last very long. And that doesn't surprise me at all.

1 comment:

Jon Gunning said...

All the the Old Testament patriarchs were polygamous.