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Sunday, February 24, 2008

Pornography: Enemy to Women, Folly of Men

I like porn. I really do. I have a lot of it. Not a criminal amount, but enough to engage. Lots of variety....nothing too crazy, you know, like food or leather or other stuff....but just regular boy(s) on girl(s) kinda stuff. 99.7% of men have porn; that's not an official figure, but it very well could be. A gay friend of mine LOVES watching "bear" porn. Another friend of mine liked trannies. Doesn't matter. From "Rican-struction" to "Daddy's Worse Nightmare", and beyond...the point is, from the time we are young enough to have found our first nudie mag in the abandoned field by the Turnpike, our first images of sex are almost completely sculpted by pornography.

And what does pornography teach us?

1. Most guys have 13"-18" dicks...oh no...!

2. Women LOVE anal-- practically beg for it!

3. You gotta really pound her and poker her good, with your junk, your finger, carrots, pencils, champaign bottles-- whatever! She'll scream, but only because she likes it!

4. When she goes down on you (and it's automatic that she'll just do it), hold her head and hump her face. Oh, and make her gag a lot-- that's the fun part!

5. And, of course, release in her face. That's a no-brainer.

But a really messed up thing happens...when you're out there in the world, and you start meeting girls, and those girls decide that they want to be naked with you...you might start to realize that real women...I mean "real women"....don't like a lot of things that the ones in porn do. Things that I thought made women scream in delight, just makes them say things like, "No." or "Stop.", or "Wait, wait, wait", or "Ouchouchouchouchouch--OW!" That's not very much fun....not very much fun at all. It's disappointing. It's also a bit strange, because as it turns out, maybe one out of eight women will actually say the secret phrase ("You can do whatever you want to me."). And 1 in 20 of THOSE women will actually mean it!

I recently had a conversation with a female friend of mine about the importance of sex in a relationship. Most people will try to pretend that sex is not all that important. These people are lying. If sex were not important, people wouldn't cheat. If sex is such a low priority, people couldn't stay in toxic relationships. Remember The Jerry Springer show? Not the fake crap he's doing these days, but the real, raw early stuff. Almost EVERY relationship issue on that show had to do with some guy or some woman thinking with their crotch. Everyone has at one time, or many others, hung around with someone that you KNEW wasn't good for you...but really "hit it" right. Guys know that chocha that just SINGS you you whenever your inside of it. And ladies have that one pain-in-the-ass that, for some reason, got you RIGHT where you needed it-- he knew you, knew what you liked, how you liked it...he JUST KNEW! You didn't tell him (or her) what you liked, you didn't really talk about it...but for some freakin' reason...holy SHIT they can do you right...! The messed up thing is that your really don't want to be with them. Or they don't want to be with you...but they can do this to you, and you don't know why or how...

The older you get, the pickier you get, the more jaded you are...the HARDER it is to let go of someone like that. You figure that people, by now-- especially your contemporaries, "get it" about sex, and you figure that sex would get a bit better as you got older. It doesn't. It's pretty much the same. It also seems that there are a growing number of heterosexual females out there that are not having regular orgasms during sex. They are seldom, rare, or not at all. That's sad. Gentlemen, what the hell is going on? Is it them? Is it us? Both?

Well, my friend and I have a theory. And it has to do with us guys, and our porn. I think any man that has every brought a woman to orgasm has discovered that the sex that does the trick NEVER looks or feels like the sex you see in porn! Porn sex is all awkward and everybody is playing for the camera. All those crazy positions and other obnoxious crap in those videos are strickly for show-- you find that out early! I mean, everyone experiments...you see something interesting and wonder if you can (or should) do it...like learning a new yoga pose. But I don't think the upside down b.j. is for regular use. And what about the "wide stance" used by the men while performing their hearty thrusts...it's all for the camera-- how else can you see those "action shots". If you pay attention, you can actually see some of the actresses faking, or "phoning in" their performances...! There's always all this stretching and pulling and spitting and smacking and jerking-- it's all very rough and raw.

In comparison, real sex is kinda dull. It's basically more primal-- not really for show. It's getting your clothes off, and just...coming together. That's why hidden camera sex tapes are so boring. But sex, real sex, is not for watching; it's for doing. And NOTHING beats real sex. All the porn in the world can't satisfy like real sex with real women. I don't care WHAT those women are doing...and some women do some f*ck-tard CRAZY schtuff...but maybe that's the point. Maybe porn is like a Hollywood blockbuster-- just a bunch of showy crap that's fun while you're watching...but really has no footing in reality. It's like a cartoon; an extreme exaggeration...I mean, come on-- boob jobs, good and bad; fake breasts, that don't move when the woman moves...yuck. what woman, or man, really, REALLY, truly likes an entire fist and arm, up to the elbow, up their butt? I've seen it. It looks AWFUL. And what woman, or man, have you ever met that sexual relations with horses or dogs? I've seen that...and wretched. And I have absolutely REFUSE to watch that "Two-girls-and-a-cup" garbage. I guess that's one of the best things about real sex...once you have it, and have it regularly, you kinda forget about that stuff. All your tapes and magazines and DVDs collect dust...your .avi's, mpegs, and .mov's go unopened...and that's a beautiful thing...!

It's beautiful-- women are beautiful. And we LOVE real women that LOVE real men. And there's absolutely nothing sexier than real sex. Praise the lord, amen, and all that good stuff!

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